Category: season 1

Jonah : I work at the White House…
Mike : Oh my God! You work at the White House? Can I blow you?

Dan : Are you still tracking my every move? I thought we agreed to move on?
Amy : Move on from what? We dated for like a week. It was like getting over a mild food poisoning.

Jonah : White House says we need to majorly redact Veep’s speech, okay?
Mike : I will redact your fucking face.

Selina : Okay what do you think of Dan?
Amy : Oh, Dan is a shit.
Selina : You want to expand on that?
Amy : Sure. He is a massive and total shit. When you first meet him, you think surely to God this man can’t be as big a shit as he seems, but he is. ‘Cause like if there were a book with covers made of shit, you’d think “That’s intriguing. I wonder what’s in this book that they saw fit to give it covers made of pure shit.” And then you open it and….. shit.

Mike : Jonah how many times have you talked to the President today?
Jonah : He actually spoke to me four times today.
Mike : Four? And in each of those did he say, “Someone get this freak the fuck away from me”?

Amy :Oh Jonah!
Jonah : Good new Italian place opened up downtown, Amy. You like Italian?
Amy : I love Italian Jonah, but still, unfortunately really dislike you.

Mike : Hey sorry about the senate meeting.
Amy : Yeah, it was like a funeral for a homeless guy.

Senator Hallowes : Get plastics off your back? No sorry Selina that will be bad for me.
Selina : Oh come on!
Hallowes : Honey, what is plastics made of? You piss off plastics, you piss off oil. And you do not want to fuck with those guys, because they fuck in a very unpleasant fashion.

Selina : What about senator Reeves? Is he dead yet?
Amy : Not yet. He’s mostly intravenous. He has so many tubes in him, he looks like a set of bagpipes.